Steps In The Journey

Written by rockSTAR Kaelyn

Hi everyone, rockSTAR Kaelyn here to talk a bit about steps in my journey growing up with Cerebral Palsy. For a bit of background, I was born very prematurely, weighed less than two pounds at birth, and experienced oxygen deprivation. The oxygen deprivation caused brain damage in the part of my brain that controls movement, and then I was diagnosed with CP.

By the time I was five years old, I could explain how my disability affects me, answer questions surrounding it, and speak up when I needed help. My parents and physical therapists taught me from a very young age about my Cerebral Palsy and that really gave me a firm understanding of why my body moves like it does, and helped me start accepting my diagnosis.

Going a few years into Elementary school, I was badly bullied in school, physically and verbally. I had a few peers chase me, grab the back of my walker, and try to take my walker from me while I was using it. I was also called names. I felt so alone. I didn’t want to go to school because at that time, I spent my recess time running, reporting the bullying to staff, having friends stay close so I could take my guard down a bit, and hiding, instead of playing. Being so young, that was really difficult. I couldn’t understand why I was a target just because of my disability. Eventually, the bullying stopped, but for several years during and after the situation, anytime I saw the kids who bullied me, the same emotions would bubble up in me: anger, fear, and hurt. I had no idea if I would ever be able to get to a place where the years I endured this would not cause so much emotional pain.

Why am I telling you this?

Because there’s an “other side” to this. I made it to the other side, and if you have endured something like this, I believe you can, too. As I sit here and write this, I have since been able to talk to some of the kids who bullied me, and they have grown up to become great people. I have forgiven them, and now when I look back at that time, I see the situation differently than how I did when I was actively enduring it. I know now, that the kids who bullied me were carrying around hurt and pain within themselves, and that they were not bad people, they were hurting, and that pain in them came out on to me.

What helped me through this the most?

My faith in God. I really found my faith several years after all this happened, as a teenager, (I’m in my early twenties now) but still, God met me where I was at and took all that pain, anger, and resentment surrounding how I was treated. He made my heart new. He met me when my heart was broken, and He showed me that I didn’t have to carry that anymore. Jesus has truly given me so much peace around all this and has shown me that I wasn’t meant to stay in that place of emotional pain forever. Could I ever imagine that happening before? Absolutely not, but nothing is impossible with God. I have met some of my dearest friends as we bonded over God moving in our lives. Please always remember that no matter how long it has been, you can take that step to let that pain go and give it to God.

What do I want you to know?

First, this pain you feel, it is not forever. I know how it feels to wonder if the weight of it would ever lessen, and it truly has. Remember, there’s an “other side” to this, and what you’ve been through doesn’t define you. You are not what you have endured. Second, all of us at Melodic Caring are here for you! We love you, we support you, and we see you. You are never alone, not for a moment.